Surrender – it Works, Don’t – it Won’t

I have lots of experience with surrendering. Actually, to be more truthful, I’ve had lots of experiences not surrendering and using my will-power to bully on through, beyond where stopping, or at least slowing down would’ve been a better option. Using my will-power to push past where I’m meant to go, is very tiring and futile. It’s also painful.

Surrendering is a much better plan. The trick is doing it.

Earlier this year I was suffering with terrible back and knee pain. I was working in a school kitchen serving lunch to little kids which involved a lot of bending forward and moving in ways my back didn’t like. I really enjoyed my job but it got to the point where I was in constant pain. I received lots of medical care, but at the time it wasn’t helping. For some reason my body wanted me to stop.

My mind wasn’t helping, taunting me with pictures of when I was younger and stronger. Then the judgments came:

You can do this, what’s wrong with you? How come you can’t handle a simple job like this? What’s the matter? Are you getting old?

This kind of crap kept me in my job way longer than necessary. My ego was damaged and fighting back.

An MRI indicated that I had a bulging disc. I had lots of fear arise, the biggest one being: Will I ever be able to walk without pain?

I became very restricted in my activities. I was relegated to lying down, and at some points crawling. Sitting wasn’t even a good idea. I had lost my identity, and no longer recognized myself. Who am I if I can’t express myself physically anymore?

Do you think I would have quit my job by now? I stubbornly carried on.

It was a very strange time indeed. Lots of pain and not much hope. The only thing left for me to do, was surrender. I chose to accept the fact that I may always be in constant pain and the person I was before may never again exist. It wasn’t easy and I had lots of feelings arise, similar to the cycle of grief:

      • Denial
      • Anger
      • Bargaining
      • Depression
      • Acceptance

Because of this experience, my body became the single most important thing in my life.

I no longer cared about my mind’s devious chatter, for it usually had me believing I could muster through anything – dragging my body along with it. This time however, my body was staking it’s claim – I wasn’t going anywhere. I was stopped.

Acceptance was the only way forward. I put my body in charge, allowing its wisdom to show me the way. I was now listening to my body – it occurred to me that this wasn’t something that came natural. Most of the time I’ve spent in my head.

So I surrendered. I listened. I quit my job. I didn’t push past the pain – I stopped.

It worked.

I found a different chiropractor. I remained loyal to my body and followed it’s lead. As a result, I walk now without pain. I feel a tremendous amount of gratitude to my body for stopping me and showing me a different way of being. I learned to be gentle and kind to myself, no longer needing to push through things.

The human body holds a tremendous amount of knowledge. It can literally show us the way. It also helps us heal things we weren’t even aware of. Take some time to be with your body and ask it what it wants, making sure to acknowledge it by listening and acting upon the guidance. It’s ok to stop and be kind to you!

Being faced with loss gave me a different perspective for which I’m grateful! I have a job now I really like and works well for my body. Ultimately, the mind and the body each have wisdom – using them in harmony with each other is a wonderful thing.

Surrendering does indeed work!

 

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9 Comments

  1. I so relate to this post Donna…. Like you it took years for me to listen to what my body was telling me… And a breakdown before I truly listened and change my career path…
    Surrendering, and accepting that I could adapt, I could begin a new chapter… And once I did make those changes… And I began healing my inner self-worth…. Life, and my new found job started to look rosy, Where instead of dreading work every day, I actually woke up looking forward to going..

    Much love my friend…. Have a great evening and weekend to come… ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Sue! Thanks for sharing here. It’s interesting that my back has been really playing up lately – and it’s time for a change. I don’t like my job anymore and am ready to move on. Perfect that you shared on this post, more confirmation that surrender is needed. Let go and let God. Your comment was perfect for me to read right now – thank you so much for stopping by!! Life provides and I will surrender more now, allowing everything to show up in Divine right Order and Timing!! You too have a great evening and week ahead!! Much love, Donna

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Its because your support system around you at work is crumbling . Our Back supports us… It is usually my knees that tell me, as when I am reluctant in walking/moving forward.. My knees ache.. 🙂
        When we listen to our bodies its amazing what it tells us.
        I am more aware of this as years ago I did a course in Body Talk… Intending to become a practitioner, but I never did..
        https://www.bodytalksystem.com/learn/bodytalk/session.cfm I was also a qualified spiritual healer.. Also done some crystal healing work too. I found this Body talk technique useful… Tapping on various points… Meridians a bit like Acupuncture .. ( I got permission to use this with a service user who had Downs Syndrome who had temper tantrums) whom I supported and key-worked .. she would love the session and the change in her was noticed by all the staff.. She became calm and more communicative..
        Lol… Everything is Divine Timing! lol….. Have a lovely weekend Donna.. ❤ Much love .. Sue ❤

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Yes, my support system is crumbling. It may be a pattern – going into something, full of enthusiasm, ready to get to work – only to be disappointed in ‘the system’ and finding yet another failed entity, company, community. I’ve got to really look at this. I’d love to be able to work for something that is growing and thriving and not entropic. Might need to work this belief!! I’ll take a look at that link – thank you!!! Much love, Donna

          Liked by 1 person

  2. Donna, dear friend. consider yourself to be very very fortunate. I actually have tears in my eyes. For you to have been able to turn things around and now are pain free, I could’t be happier. Know, I understand what living in pain does, stripping away everything you used to be. Accepting and surrendering to what IS certainly is far from easy. Coming through this huge transition I know has changed you and your life. You’ve gained a lot of wisdom in this “lesson”. And knowing you, you will put those lessons to good use. Gratitude to have just one day free of pain is a Gift …. Bless you! xo

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks so much Amy. This experience put me into full gratitude for my body and certainly was an eye opener. I know you understand as I have read your posts and know you have been there, and also learned to be kind to yourself too. It’s certainly a process and one I’m lucky to have experienced and come out the other end in good health. Thanks for stopping by!! Much love, Donna

      Liked by 3 people

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