Self-Love – Fact or Fiction, Exposing the Dam Lies

Self-Love – Fact or Fiction, Exposing the Dam Lies

I’ve been doing a lot of digging lately, really deep digging inside my being, getting into the nooks and crannies – the places where I’m still feeling unrest – in order to finally be at peace with it all. How many times have I been down this road? This time, I found some real gems and wanted to share one of them with you.

The hopeless pursuit of self-love.

Every single judgment we have – conscious or unconscious – takes away any hope for self-love. Every single slight or negative thought detracts from it – over and over. We are programmed and conditioned into believing we are never enough. Look around. So much pressure, stress and strain to be perfect – how can anyone feel love for themselves? Even sadness – one of God’s most precious feelings – has been made to feel wrong: “Don’t be sad.”

I guess if I had to sum it all up – good luck trying to love your self. You would need to ditch and/or fully accept all your negative beliefs and preconceptions about love and life, and come at it with an open heart, a clean slate. That may last a week or two it you’re lucky. I used to work at loving myself, I’ve even written a couple blog posts on this subject, but as I peel off the layers and see what is really there – I can with all certainty say, it hasn’t been easy – even to put out the effort.

Until now. 

I had some major flash realizations:

  • No wonder why no one truly loves themselves!!!
  • No wonder it’s so elusive!!
  • No wonder there is so much suffering!!
  • No wonder this can’t work!!

I’ve been trying to love through my false-self 

It’s like lightening struck me.

I realized – Oh my God – there is no way in hell I could ever love myself, no way in hell. The self I am referring to is my false-self. Pretty much we as humans live daily through our false-selves. We wake up into our false-selves, spend the day, come home and fall asleep as our false-selves – rinse and repeat. This is the self that lets us down.

Seeing this truth – I felt anger and frustration at all the wasted time I’ve spent trying to do the impossible.

It’s only when we are called into being, or called into the present moment – there we may gain a glance at who we truly are: Acting on impulse in an emergency or seeing someone in need of a helping hand – then we can see it. But it’s fleeting, albeit enough for us to know it’s there – our true self.

But in the day to day, the drone of existence – no, not a chance. The “new age” is all about self-love. It’s pathetic really. The “new age” makes it seem possible to love yourself, and a “must have” in order to feel good, free and whole. They just don’t tell you it’s impossible to love through your false-self.

truth lies

Things we are told:

  • You must love yourself before you can love someone or something else.
  • You can only love someone to the extent you love yourself.

My God – we are all in trouble. What hope is there?

I remember thinking the thought many years ago: I love my dog so much, and he loves me! But I don’t feel that way about myself. What does that mean? I thought I could only love something as much as I love myself. Do I love myself that much? No, not a chance. So how can I love my dog so much?

It’s the dog that loves us unconditionally – we can’t help but feel it.

dog love

There is so much pressure and so much focus on loving one’s self. But no manual. No one has provided a way to do it. How do I go about this loving self thing? Well, given what I found out – it’s impossible. Simply because we are so conditioned and live within the box of our false-selves, believing this is who we are. You can’t love your self (or anyone else) with your false-self!

So wrong, complete lie.

The mind is asking the question and the negative beliefs are right behind it – throwing up fog and a smoke screen – see, you don’t love yourself, you aren’t even close. Don’t you feel inferior, maybe ashamed, perhaps you feel inadequate??

It’s just the way it is – hopeless – or so we are led to feel. We’ve been trying to love with our false-self and that is a set up for failure, another rabbit hole – adding more misery to the pot. There exists another self – the true self – this is the one capable of self-love. This is the one we need to bring to the forefront – the one with all the capacity for love, the one untainted with programs, propaganda, and lies. Get to know this self.

Here’s all you need to know:

Let your false-self just be. Have a willingness and an intention to live from your true-self and then let it go – your true self will take care of the rest! It’s a guarantee. Trust this, trust your true-self, and have patience. Warning: Your life as you know it will change . . . for the better. It will feel scary, and daunting at times, it may even look worse before it gets better – but it’s ok – you are in good hands.

I feel relieved and so much better about myself since my discovery.


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  1. Hi Donna! It’s Conni here. Thanks for giving me something to think about! It’s true as well, when you look around at adverts etc. – they are all selling us things that hint that we aren’t good enough as we are. Makeup, beauty products, plastic surgery etc. As the saying goes “Imagine if one day we woke up and realised we love ourselves. Imagine how many industries would go out of business.” ! Hope you’re well. Conni xx (ps. I have a new blog now at , hope you will still read along there 🙂 )

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Conni! Nice to hear from you! Good point. I can imagine a world where everyone woke up one morning and loved themselves! Wow, that would be great! I just followed your blog so should get emails when you post. Looks like a nice blog! Thanks! Donna xx


  2. Whoa, Donna!! I’ve been on a very similar path, one that I am really NOT liking much. What an excellent post! The way you can actually put into words this process …. I am amazed. I was just telling my sister today that I’m discovering some really dark places in myself and in so doing, in order to accept all of me, I must accept those places too. Just yesterday I told hubby who at times “expects” perfection from me …. You claim you Love me. What you see is who I am, so if you don’t like what you see, how can you Love me? Wow! I sit here stunned by what you wrote. I’m also learning that when it comes to Love, the dark side of Love, and yes there is a dark side, is the MOST painful anyone can experience. Example, witnessing while caring for someone you Love dying little by little and then saying goodbye. Yet, within that experience you expand within the Love you already have to places you didn’t even know existed, thus, enriching your definition of who you are in Love.

    How do we Love ourselves when we really mess up? How do we Love ourselves when out of anger and/or exhaustion act like a child and lash out at another, hurting another? How? By understanding that we are human, and the false ideology that we glow and we “OM” all day long, 24/7, we can throw right out in the garbage. God gave us emotions for a reason, and darn it, to feel some of those is so so hard to do! Sadness, like you said according to the world ….. oh no you don’t. Positive thoughts all the way. Yes there is something to positive thinking, but …. to push away or ignore our real feelings is being untruthful to ourselves and thus form a lie.

    As you can see by my comment, how excited I am that you too are on a very similar journey. Do I have a ton of empathy for you? You bet I do! I KNOW how difficult this stuff is as the scabs of deceit are torn from off our eyes. How exciting though, to really SEE us for who we are, no excuses. For one, in closing, I’m learning to really speak my Truth, really speak about what I am feeling, regarding my life, to doctors instead of putting a brave face on. Yesterday for the first time in my life I told doctors how terrifying my life is at times and why. I empowered ME by being true to me. And in so doing, I gained respect from the doctors I spoke to. Thank you thank you for having the courage to speak the Truth here. I am overjoyed for YOU that you are learning how to Love you. My way of thinking …. regarding humans and I may be wrong …. you really are not able to Love any more then you know how to Love. Does that sound right to you? Animals are easy. They know unconditional Love. Humans do not. LOTS to think about here … I’ll be coming back here to read this again!! Outstanding!! 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Amy! SO happy you liked this post – yes, we are on a similar journey and so happy to be sharing it together through our posts! It’s nice to be able to relate. I also read about your growth and feel lots of empathy for you, it’s in the “struggle” sometimes where we learn the most. It’s a huge step to be able to speak your truth – good on you for that!! The dark side of love (separation) is very painful. So much of this pain is contained in all of humanity and it needs to be felt in order to be healed. Thanks for doing your piece with such openness and honesty.

      This post for me was one of a breakthrough. Not only is it about accepting our humanity (warts and all) as you mentioned – it’s also about that we’ve been trying to love our selves with the SAME self that tears us down. This “false” self is incapable of love, we can never feel love for ourselves, or anyone else for that matter, through our false self. The false self criticizes us, makes us wrong, keeps us in fear, etc. and is incapable of love. I can only love and fully accept myself with my true (God) self – the self that loves me no matter what. So I have been focusing on my true self and telling my false self to take a back seat. My true self allows me to just be and listens to my body – no more pushing it.

      It’s something I’ll be focused on for a time to come! Thanks for never giving up and for willing to go there and express yourself! It’s a pleasure sharing this journey with you!! Much love and hugs!! Love, Donna

      Liked by 1 person

        1. To summarize …. a part of me, my fiery dragon, that part that I have not allowed to be seen, was very present yesterday. Being under an incredible amount of stress, a situation happened that broke the camel’s back and the words and how I feel that had not been said for more years then I care to say, came pouring out. It was a cleansing. It was empowering. I shouted, screamed, leaving the person who did a huge wrong towards me, with no doubt as to how I feel about what occurred and as the person I am. I used language that was foul and mean. And in the end, I did not feel guilty, I did not feel shame. I finally embraced that part of me that is fiery and will bite if you hurt me or my family. This part of me I was punished for as a child if I showed it. I learned to temper it, to stuff it. No more, Donna. I Love myself even more for allowing what some people would consider “darkness” to emerge. I’m slowly getting away from the “thought” that Love does not encompass the “dark” within us. Our “anger” was created by God for a reason. Now, yes it is easy to abuse that anger but to use that anger when a situation arises that calls for the use of the Warrior, yes. Yesterday showed me I will no longer allow FEAR to make me swallow my anger, make me swallow how I really feel. I will no longer FEAR retaliation or the “thought” “oh no! Now I’m attracting dark to me!” NO! I was being real and it felt so good and freeing. Love is so complex, so complicated and I think the more we really come to understand what Love is, the more we really don’t understand what Love is. So there you have it.

          Liked by 1 person

        2. Wow Amy, I think you are totally amazing! Since I’ve been following you on your blog, I have a pretty good picture of who you are – and what you just wrote comes as no surprise to me! You don’t take any shit and you have a fierce, loving heart! You are indeed fiery – and fire burns and cleanses. You are feeling the anger/fire to help burn away all the conditioning (darkness and ignorance placed upon us by others) that has kept you quiet and submissive. Enough is enough, and you are saying enough is enough, not just to the person who happened to be carrying the last straw, but enough is enough to all of the conditioning – asleepness, fear, darkness, submission, victimhood, slave mentality and control.

          I agree. Enough is enough. I just went through something similar to what you experienced. That’s when it hit me – that reptilian brain we have – is designed to keep us occupied and distracted with fear and away from love. This brain has it’s own battery and will continue to broadcast negative thoughts and beliefs at us 24/7. It never stops and it’s never satisfied. It’s the ultimate mind control and manipulation and it is relentless. It keeps us separate from ourselves, each other and God. There is NOTHING we can do about it, we can’t heal it, we can’t influence it, we can’t change it – all we can do is know this is not who we are – it is not a part of the true self.

          I am not that reptilian brain, those thoughts and feelings associated with it are not mine at all. It can only control me when I believe it’s me. This is what I am going through right now – a kind of de-conditioning of sorts – what’s really mine and what’s been a lie. I am emerging out of a deep sleep, ready to take responsibility for who I really am and ready to use that power for the good. It sounds like you have hit that stage too – enough is enough. And I agree with you – we don’t really know what love is because we’ve really only experienced it through this filter – so I am in an experiment to find out the truth.

          Lots of love to you my friend – right there with you! Donna

          Liked by 1 person

        3. Donna, so much MORE has occurred that it is only now I have been able to obtain a clear head. I’m MIA over at my blog, something that I don’t think I have ever done, not for this long anyways.

          Part 2 of my story goes like this. Because I was authentic and held nothing back to this person, two days later this person broke, crying, admitting how much wrong was committed, and asked for forgiveness. My Fiery Dragon burned away the blinders and the door that had this heart slammed shut and in so doing, the Truth glared. I have been “hoping” that Truth would be seen by this person but only this person was able to see it. On that day, all the barriers came smashing down, and the damn was released.

          I reeled not for one second expecting anything even close to this happening. My Heart opened in return with Compassion encompassing this person as I witnessed the agony finally being released. Of course forgiveness was given. And now, now, the building begins, learning NEW ways to construct in order to by-pass the old dysfunctional patterns. I would consider this to be the #1 biggest Healing Event of my life. I’m just writing this still stunned that this happened. Your post, it seems worked as a catalyst in MY life somehow, to the which I don’t understand HOW yet I read your post, commented and then the events that occurred in MY life BOOM! This is powerful stuff, dear friend. I am in awe of the power of Love. I am in awe of the synchronicities in life has.

          I also had a dream the night before the Huge Event with me exploding. In this dream, I was standing on a ledge with GOD. Before us was the Void. I was actually TWO women. God threw both of the women off the ledge, and the woman who I recognized to be ME flew to the back out of sight and fell. The woman who is the Birth ME, dressed in a this beautiful bright yellow one piece gymnastic suit, was doing these beautiful aerobatics and dancing in mid-air, gracefully, joyfully and then she too fell into the Void, but did so dancing and with NO FEAR. I woke up immediately from this dream not really understanding it but later on interpreted as the “old me” is no longer needed, because this “new me” has been birthed. The difference in these two women was I recognized the old me but yet when I saw the old me fall away my focus was all on this new woman, one I did not recognize yet I knew to be me. Oh wow. I think I will stop here. I mean, holy sh*t!!!!

          Liked by 1 person

        4. When I write my posts, many times the words just spill out of me – so no surprise they affected you in some way. The words are there for those who can hear them. Sometimes I have to wait weeks to write a post!

          Your dream was a great demonstration of what lovingly happened to you during the “#1 biggest Healing Event of my life.” It seems like it’s time for your false self/”old me” to be leaving you now. Incredible times to be sure. Authenticity and truth – all part of our true selves and the more we live through these principles, the better directed our lives become. I am very excited for you!!!

          I have something I’d like to share with you. It’s made a huge difference in my life and it’s what I am going to use to direct the rest of my life. It’s a simple design (not a cult, religion or anything like that!!). It’s practical and uses the body for guidance, even to eat with. If you feel guided to know more, please send me your email address. (You can use the contact form on my website for privacy.)
          Take care and lots of hugs and love!

          Liked by 1 person

  3. Donna… Enjoyed this! Our false self , as you’ve named it, loves us only when we reach what we perceive as “perfection”… Our True self… loves us faults, failures and all. Somewhere along the line, we got the message that we can only love our “self” in the pursuit of perfection. The false self has no sense of humor but the true self certainly does. HUGS:) Evelyn

    Liked by 1 person

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